


Dirty Business

by Neurofancier



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/M, Gen, office politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-23
Updated: 2012-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-30 00:59:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neurofancier/pseuds/Neurofancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there is something Mister Egbert believes in, it’s this: You have to protect your own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Business

Come in.

Good morning, Andy. Please, have a seat. Would you care for a cup of coffee? Tea, maybe? Some other beverage? No? I would. Alice, could you please bring me a cup of coffee? You know how I drink it. Thank you, you're an angel... Are you sure you don't want anything, Andy? Just a cup of coffee for me, then. Thanks.

You've been working here for what, six months? It's funny, we've never gotten a chance to talk before. Do you have any kids, Andy? No? Perhaps some special lady or gentleman you can see a future with? Splendid! What's her name? How did you meet her? She sounds like a fine woman.

I do have a son. Yes, here is where I take out my wallet and torture you with my collection of pictures of John. Oh, I know what you guys say in the break room. No need to apologize, it's all in good fun. If it bothered me, I'd just stop, wouldn't I?

In this one he's in last year's piano recital. He's a bright boy, my John. He means the world to me. Family is very important. The most important thing in a man's life, in my humble opinion.

You must be wondering what I am getting at. You see, Andy, I think of all of you as my extended family. I know, I know. It's such a tired cliche. But I do. I've tried to create a safe, friendly environment around the office for all, and heck, for the most part, I've succeeded! We are all here for each other.

When Debby went through that divorce, we all stayed late to cover the hours she had to spend in the court. When Karl's kid needed that surgery, we all chimed in to help his family pay for it. Ask any of the others. They'll tell you that whenever one of your workmates has hit a rough patch, I've been there, ready to cover for them in front of the high ups.

Have I gotten in trouble for it? You can bet I have! But the big players have learned to accept my management methods. Between you and me, it's helped that the department's productivity levels are through the roof. But that's not why I work so hard to make sure everyone in my team is happy. No, if I stayed in the office hours after everyone else went home for months when Debby needed us, or if I paid for half of Sammy's surgery, it's because I care. I care about my team's lives, and I genuinely believe that we should strive to help each other.

However my... helpfulness, shall we say, comes at a price. I expect more of you guys than most bosses expect from their employees. I expect hard work. Honesty.

Loyalty, Andy.

Can you guess what I'm getting at?

Ah, and here's the coffee! Thank you so much, Alice. You're a real live saver. Is that one of your homemade cookies I see in the plate? You shouldn't have. Let me try it -- Mmmh, that's fantastic. I take off my hat to you. I have no idea how you've done it, but you have outdone yourself once again! Is that nutmeg I taste? No, no, don't tell me, I want to try and figure it out myself. 

How's your dad doing? Darn. Let's hope that new treatment will help. Listen, Alice, if you need a few extra sick days to take care of him, I can pull some strings. You sure? Alright, but if you change your mind, you know where to find me.

See you later. Alice? Good luck.

She's a brave woman, that Alice. A real saint, taking care of her dad like that.

Ahem. Where were we?

Oh, yes. These.

It doesn't matter how I got these pictures. What matters is that I did. Four meetings in the last six months, all coinciding with the day before a secure sale called us to tell us they had found a better offer. I wish I could chalk this up to a coincidence. I really do. But we both know that you didn't meet with Thomas Truman, head of the sales department of Robert & Robert, our leading competition in the business, to discuss your favorite films.

I'm so disappointed with you, Andy.

Now. The way I see it, I can do one of two things. Number one, I follow the protocol, inform my supervisor, and we let you go. You will find yourself without a job, but they probably won't press charges. They don't want the shareholders to know we've had a breach of security. Number two, I keep these to myself, don't tell a soul, and give you one last chance to prove yourself to me. If you never pull a stunt like this one again? I'll sweep the whole affair under the rug and forget it ever happened. But if I so much as suspect you're up to something again? I'll fire you.

You probably don't know this, but I have a bit of a reputation in the business for not letting anyone in my department get fired. So if I have to let you go, people are going to wonder. And Andy, I'm not going to lie for someone who has betrayed the team twice. If I get a call from a prospective future employer, and I guarantee you they'll call me, I'm going to tell them what you did. Not to punish you, Lord, no, but because those men and women trust me, and for that reason I owe them the truth. You'll find that the fancy college degree you're still paying for doesn't amount to much when people know they can't trust you. And don't think they'll hire you at Roberts & Roberts. The first rule of corporate espionage is to never let your spy get too close to the company, because if they're willing to do it for you, they'll be willing to do it to you.

Now, now, Andy, I'm not threatening you. I'm giving you a friendly warning. Telling you how much of a funk you can make out of your life if you continue going down this road.

I know you think that what you did was a victimless crime, but it wasn't. With the economy the way it is, every single sell can mark the difference between keeping everyone in their jobs and utter ruin. If you hurt the company, you're not going to hurt the owners, or the CEO, or any of the big players whose faces you've only seen framed on the wall behind the reception desk. Those guys have back up plans. They have money.

If you, and you're going to have to excuse my language, screw with the company, you're going to be screwing the people at the other side of that door. Debby. Alice. Karl. Your co-workers. People you talk with five days a week in the break room. People you interact with on a daily basis, who have invited you for drinks and laughed at your jokes at the water cooler. People who depend on the company to pay the bills.

I'm not going to let you fuck with them, Andy, because those people are my people. My family. And you don't let anyone hurt your family. Have I made myself clear?

Good! I'm glad we had this little chat. I expect the report on the Kimura company by Friday. Close the door after yourself.


End file.
